Over and Out

when i go back and read the first few posts in this blog i realize how much i have changed. i hardly remember that girl any more. sure we still have many of the same struggles, bad habits, hopes, and dreams... but when i stop and think "who is smasher girl" all the answers are in the past tense. the real question is "who WAS smasher girl"...

for me, a lot of things. mostly she was the "crazy diet girl" part of me. i have loved writing this blog and getting great feedback and ideas. but i have out grown it. so, this will be my last post.

i am still out there in Blog Land.... but with a new name and a new face (or lack there of). its a fresh start.....which both smasher girl and i are very big fans of. and all the newness feels a lot more like me.

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest

im sure we will bump shoulders out there in the blogospher. until then.....

this is smasher girl signing off. over and out.

Steel Cut Oats

there was way to much candy laying around where i work. so i decided to get rid of it. by shoving it into my face.

all the people i work with are thin. and yet, they MUST have candy. every day. this made me start thinking about people and food. my thin friends eat whatever they want. chips, cheeseburgers, cake.....so why cant i? when i indulge in that stuff i dont just stay the same weight. i GAIN weight. so what is the difference?

do they burn more calories than i do? these friends dont work out or go to the gym....so are they just more active in their daily life? do they take the stairs instead of the elevator? is that really enough to compensate for the cheetos and hersheys?

or is it just that when they indulge they are satisfied after only about 200 cals worth of junk? i am never satisfied with just a little junk. ever. never ever. its hard not to get angry about this. i want to be able to indulge, be satisfied, and be thin! my landslide into self-pity is surely triggered by the fact that this whole month will be a complete write off. i will end this month the same weight as i ended last month. losing weight is hard.

so is being fat. what would i rather have a "hard time" doing? losing weight or being fat? if anything was ever *worth it* it is this. losing weight is worth it. i have to keep going. although this month was a wash when it comes to the scale, there were some pretty great things that happened.

first, i discovered the wonders of steel cut oats. they have a ton of fiber and protein. they are so easy to make and keep well in the fridge or freezer. and i cook them in the crock-pot! i have made apple cinnamon steel cut oats, cranberry walnut steel cut oats, and pumpkin pie steel cut oats. you cook them all exactly the same.

STEEL CUT OATS:

1. coat a crock pot with cooking spray.

2. dump all the ingredients (EXCEPT THE TOPPINGS) into the crock-pot and stir.

3. cover and cook on low 6 hours.

4. turn off the crock-pot and let cool 1 hour.

5. stir up the oats and put into individual (1 cup) containers.

6. sprinkle on the toppings.

7. freeze or refrigerate. when you are ready to eat, just nuke them in the microwave.

these are the ingredients for the various types i have made and loved. they all make about 12 1-cup servings.

APPLE CINNAMON OATS INGREDIENTS:

3 apples, minced in food processor

1 cup steel cut oats

3 cups water

3 cups low fat milk (or almond milk)

2 tsp cinnamon

4 tbsp brown sugar

1/8 tsp sea salt

Topping: 1 tbsp slivered almonds on each serving.

CRANBERRY WALN UT OATS INGREDIENTS:

1 cup steel cut oats

3 cups water

3 cups low fat milk

1 tsp cinnamon

2 tbsp brown sugar

1/8 tsp salt

Topping: 1 tsp dried cranberries & 1 tsp chopped walnuts on each serving.

PUMPKIN PIE OATS INGREDIENTS:

1 cup steel cut oats

1 15-oz can 100% pure pumpkin puree (NOT pumpkin pie filling!)

3 cups water

3 cups low fat milk

2 tbsp agave nectar

1/8 tsp salt

Topping: 1 tsp chopped pecans & maybe a little truvia if you like it sweeter.

another super great thing that happened is that my husband got this amazing idea. he would cook one night a week. he doesnt cook. never. not ever. but on wednesday night, there we were....sitting on the couch covered in cookbooks. i tagged a few healthy & easy recipes and he flipped through them looking for one he wanted to try. he picked orange chicken. it was one of the more difficult recipes. i was fully prepared for a disaster and was making a mental list of the "healthiest" fast-food options in case dinner was a total bust.

sunday night, he stepped into the kitchen, prepped all his ingredients ahead of time, and then got to work. i gave him a little space and watched from a safe distance. he was measuring, slicing, chopping....grabbing oranges from the fruit bowl and then playfully tossing them from one hand to another...umm....what was happening? was he having fun? then about an hour later i was lying on the couch watching black beauty (i love me some horse movies!) and dinner was being cooked for me. i cant remember the last time this has happened. i was loving it! and then....an unmistakable smell entered the living room....and it wasnt the smell of smoke that i had kinda been expecting....it was the smell of *deliciousness*....and thats the first time it crossed my mind that dinner might actually be edible.

when he called me to the table, this was waiting for me.

orange chicken with scallions, garlic, craisens.....brown rice...and steamed broccoli!

i took a bite....it was AMAZING. my husband...is....a....good....COOK! i looked up at him and he was smiling. he knew he had rocked it. with his eyes still squinted by his grin he said, "that was fun", winked at me, and took a big bite.

all i wanted to know was, "so....what are you making next week??"

Jungle Gym: Vertical Knee Raise

i have posted a few times about the scary things in my gym. such as satan's simon-says game and the dungeon. each time i conquered my fears and tried something scary it felt great. even if the "during" felt horrible. even if i would never do it again. i made a personal goal to hack my way through the jungle that is my gym and tackle all the scary looming things that make me want to head for the closest emergency exit.

this thing terrifies me.














i didnt even know this was a Vertical Knee Raise until i typed "weird knee lifting ab machine" into google images and that picture showed up... along with this picture. really?












all i knew was this thing was SCARY. but i didnt let that stop me. i climbed up....put my arms on the pads....grabbed the handles.... looked around to see if anyone was watching the fat girl on the crazy contraption.....and lifted my knees up...FOUR times. this was sooo much better than i had expected. suddenly i realized my heartbeat was WAY louder than usual. and everything got blurry. and then really hot. and then i realized what was about to happen.

here's the thing about smasher girl. she's a fainter. its horrible. the first time it ever happened was when i was about 25. its the worst feeling. i can always tell when its going to happen. but it usually only happens after i have my blood drawn or when i am in extreme pain. it is NOT a common occurrence. it certainly hasnt ever happened for for no reason and never when i am exercising. so why was this thing making me feel faint??

i climbed down and laid on a mat. breathe in..breathe out. i didnt faint. ended up being fine and wrote the whole thing off as me being melodramatic...cuz here's another thing about smasher girl....she is melodramatic.

the next time i was at the gym i figured i would add it to my ab routine. even if i could only do 4 of them. after the first one...it happened again. i almost fainted. i jumped back on google to see if this is a side effect of the vertical knee raise. nope. nothing. maybe im forgetting to breathe??? either way. i think i will try it one more time before crossing it off my list.

it did give me a good "my abs are working" feeling. and besides the whole making-me-want-to-pass-out thing, it wasnt so scary after all!

BFL W7 Weigh-In: 236.4 (-0.4 lb)

well, that means i am back to my month 1 weigh-in weight. i just need to lose 11.4 lb to meet my feb 20th mini goal of a 25 lb loss. root for me!

Cool Running Walking

what could be easier than walking right? my walking skills stopped wowing people after my 2nd birthday. one foot in front of the other. i can even do it and chew gum at the same time!

this is why the idea of TRAINING to WALK never occurred to me. all that time i spent looking for a training program to teach me to RUN was silly! i should have been looking for a training program to teach me to WALK. i feel like one of Maleficent's goons who were looking in cradles trying to find a 16 year old Sleeping Beauty. (silly evil henchmen)

i googled "train to walk a 5k" and there was a bunch of information. if you actually care about the details, you can read all about it here. this is it in a very large nutshell.

WALK A 5K TRAINING PROGRAM:

Week 1: Getting Started

15 min walk at easy pace (5 days a week)

Week 2: Work On Your Walking Form

20 min walk at easy pace (5 days a week)

Use your walks this week to concentrate on developing good walking posture and technique. This can greatly improve your ease of walking and improve your speed.
Walking Form Technique for Beginners

Week 3: Walk at a Moderate Pace

25 min walk at moderate, determined pace (5 days a week)

"moderate pace" means:

• may be breathing noticeably



• able to carry on a full conversation while walking



• not out of breath

Week 4: Add a Long Day

30 min at moderate pace (4 days a week)

40 min at easy pace (1 day a week)

Drinking right: Now that you are walking for more than 30 minutes, you should locate a source of water so you can have a drink each mile. If there are no handy drinking fountains, you may want to carry water with you. It is best to carry it in a fanny pack with a water holster, rather than carrying a bottle in your hand, as that can lead to muscle strain and poor walking form.

Week 5: Work on Speed

30 min at moderate pace (4 days a week)

45 min at easy pace (1 day a week)
Concentrate on improving your walking form to add speed. If you have not been using arm motion, this can be the key to increasing speed. Fast Walking Technique



Week 6: Build Mileage

30 min at moderate pace (4 days a week)
60 min at easy pace (1 day a week)

Weeks 7 and 8: Add Intervals

Economy Walk builds speed (1 day a week) Anaerobic Threshold Walk builds aerobic fitness (1 day a week) Long Walk: 60 min at easy pace (1 day a week)

if youre looking for me any time during the next few months, check your nearest treadmill...

come may 20th (the first of my 3 5Ks in 2 weeks) i will be rockin' that pavement!

Yogi Scare

my gym has a lot of scary things in it. im not talking about the beefy guys with seemingly way more veins than normal. i mean terrifying machines and classes. there is a huge list of cardio and weight machines that i wont go near. and a ton of classes i am way too chicken to step foot in. i decided to conquer my fear. to get my feet wet, i thought i would try yoga.

easy enough, right? relaxing. not a lot of moving. my gym turns the lights out during yoga so no one would even be able to see if when i messed up. how bad could it really be?

worse. way worse. it started off easy enough. i stood obediently in the dark, crowded room on my mat and followed each of the instructions given by the woman with a soothing alto voice. "sit pretzel legged"....."put your palms face up"....."lay on your back and breathe"...."acknowledge your fingers and toes"...."breathe in"..."breathe out"

i lay there breathing and thought of renaming my blog to "Yogi Girl"...i had this in the bag.

the changes were subtle. the instructors voice was still calm and soothing. but it was forming words into absurd commands. "lay on your belly"...."bring one foot up under your chin"...."stand up and look behind you"...."bend over at the waist"...."rest on your forearms"...."put your head on the floor"...."pick your feet up off the floor"

say, what??? i looked up to see the instructor in this position...

i wanted to go back to acknowledging my fingers and toes! when had this class turned into a simon says game from hell???

i looked around the room for my mom who had come with me...my gaze finally found her...still sitting pretzel legged on her mat. i figured she was on to something. i unfolded myself and plopped on my mat. i sat like that for the next 15 minutes until the class ended.

im glad i tried it though. now i can cross it off my list. the next time some one asks if i have tried yoga, i can smile and say, "yes."

BFL W6 Weigh-In: 236.8 (-4 lb)

im down 4 lb this week. i am very happy about that but kicking myself for last week. since i gained 4.4 lb last week, i am still up 0.4 lb. thats part of the fine print of going crazy for a week. you dont just lose one week you lose at least 2....the one week you spent gaining and the one week you spend trying to lose it again.

im happy. i am. cant you tell?

See SG Run Walk & Not Pass Out

so i decided to not get all stressed out about running a mile. im not even going to think about it right now. as i mentioned before, i had a goal of doing one 5k a month during the non-winter months. sadly, all the ones i want to do are all about a week apart. my first instinct was to throw in the towel. how the heck can my chubby butt walk three 5ks in 2 weeks?? i may not be a fitness expert but i know its NOT by eating HONEY straight from the jar! (mmmmm.....honey)

endurance. i want endurance. and not just the kind that will keep my feet moving....i want mental and emotional endurance. losing 100 lb is not for sissies. its not for towel throwers! i can will do it!

Smasher Girl's 3 5Ks in 2 Weeks Challenge

Sunday, May 20th: March of Dimes Run for Babies

this is for research for things like still birth, miscarriage, premies, birth defects, infant death, etc. two of my best friends and i have all gone through experiences like this, so its close to my heart.

Saturday, May 26th: Sunset House 5K

this is an amazing place. it is a hospice home that offers comfort and price is not a factor! this is also very close to my heart.

Saturday, June 2nd: Stroll For Strong Kids

this supports a local children's hospital. its one of the best in the country. i hope i never need to use it, but if i do, im so glad its there.

now all thats left to do is recruit people to do it with me (chubby slow people preferred). and maybe get some sponsors. 3 5ks in 2 weeks wont just shrink my butt....it will also shrink my bank account!

and you know how i said i wasnt going to worry about running? thats true. really. but a girl can dream, cant she? here's my dream....

there is a half marathon in the adirondacks in september 2012.

that's all im saying.... there IS one...

and i plan on being there. even if its just to pass out drinks and cheer from the sidelines. but maybe....just maybe.....

i will cross the finish line.

Fighting Back

superman never let kryptonite take him out for long. and i sure dont have to let mine put be back on the bench. everyone loves to talk about all the once-upon-a-time losers who have gained back all the weight and more. but thats not true for everyone. some people do it. and make it. i want to be one of them!

there was an article in Health magazine jan/feb 2010 called Real Secrets to Forever Weight Loss. i was happy to see that i am already doing most of them.

1. Work out first thing. (this is definitely one of the hardest things for me to do. but i feel so good when i do it. having my gym bag packed the night before and my workout clothes laying out definitely helps!)

2. Eat real meals (i love to eat. yet even i get caught in the trap of thinking that skipping dinner might be a good idea. it never is. i just end up eating MORE later...and making a bad decision about WHAT i eat)

3. One diet doesnt fit all (this is so true. as flattered as i get when people ask me what im doing, the truth is that im doing what works for ME at THIS moment. this wouldnt have worked for me 3 years ago. but it works great now. and south beach works great for thousands of people. but not for me. ever. the best diet is one that YOU will stick with and feel good about.)

4. They love to race. (i love to think i can race. and i have plans to walk some 5ks this spring. and i also have a stupid idea that i will post about later. there are tips on training for races at health.com/marathon right now i just want to get through my treadmill workouts. my highest aspiration at this point is to someday run a mile.)

5. They talk. A lot. About their success (do i ever! blah blah blah! i love to talk about diet and exercise and workouts and meal plans. i am so annoying. thats why i have this blog. cuz no one wants to hear about that in real life. in a face to face conversation there isnt a magic X you can click on to end the discussion.)

one of my favorite things to do (especially when i feel like binging) is to read fitness magazines. i hit the jackpot when i walked into the library to get the copy of Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir that was on hold for me. there were stacks and stacks of magazines on a table. for sale. 2 for a quarter! score! i grabbed about 6 dollars worth... now i have enough reading material to get me to my goal weight. im soooo thrifty!

Move Along, Nothing To See Here

W5 BFL Weigh-In: 240.8 lb (+4.4 lb)

Kryptonite

what can take down a smasher girl faster than a speeding bullet?

success.

if i were superman, success would be green and sparkly like this....











whenever i hit a major milestone or start doing really good, i know to buckle up cuz its gonna be a bumpy ride. and by "ride" i mean "crash and burn". i hit my one month mark a few days ago. it was accompanied by a great weight loss and a real life "after photo" and i was feeling great. for about a day. and then it started. i could feel myself losing my groove.

i ate honey with a spoon yesterday. really?? with a SPOON.

success! it screws me EVERY time.

if im totally honest i am also starting to get bored with my food. i have been eating basically the same thing for a month straight. ive stuck with it because it works, its fast, its easy, and it keeps my grocery bill way down. i have found the perfect healthy-fast-easy-cheap food equation. so WHY would i change it?? im scared to change it. im scared it will take too long to prepare or be too high in calories or something. this week i want to focus on BREAKFAST.

i want a breakfast with protein and fiber that i can prepare in under 2 mins or that i can prepare ahead of time and just heat up. i have been making breakfast sandwiches on the weekend (egg, LF cheese, whole wheat english muffin) and just heating them up in the morning. i need something new. ideas??

i have also been thinking about running again. (the "again" refers to the THINKING part....not the actual RUNNING...because i never really was able to run. i just thought about it a lot.) i have been doing workouts on the treadmill. walking. walking. walking.... and then when im done with that, i do a little more walking. during my last post i mentioned that for my first (and only) 5k i was walking at the break-neck speed of 3mph.

so the next time i hopped on the treadmill i decided that i would do my entire workout at 3mph. and about 10 mins in to it my hip flexor started bothering me. this is serious. when this injury acts up it takes me out for weeks. so i slowed it WAY down. everyone always talks about TRAINING for marathons and 5ks, blah blah blah. but i cant DO it. i get sooo impatient. and angry when i cant do it.

in my walking workouts last week i did the majority of the walk at 3mph but i was doing intervals so i would slow down, up the incline and then lower the incline and speed up again. but 10 mins straight messed with me. i am sooooo weak. i want to run soooo bad. and i cant even walk at 3mph. i get frustrated and feel like giving up. so i reach for the only thing that resembles junk food in my whole house and make like winnie the pooh.


......oh bother!

It's Okay If You Don't Lose Weight

"you know its ok if u dont lose the weight right?" my friend looked at me with big reassuring eyes.

ummm.... no, actually, thats the definition of ''not ok''....its not ok. not losing weight is not ok. this person was trying to be supportive and explained that i am cute and fun and healthy and happy the way i am and i dont need to change a SINGLE thing.

if i was not on a diet and kicking my butt at the gym for hours each week i would have welcomed her "you're perfect the way you are" speech (not that i would have actually believed it). but since i was shoving lettuce in my face every day for lunch, the speech was just annoying.

there is so much i have already missed out on because of my weight. im tired of it and i dont want to miss out on any more. I want to have kids before my ovaries shrivel up into raisins. and there is a huge list of horrible risks associated with overweight/obese pregnancies. i found this list while looking up info for 5ks that i can do this spring.

i want to do one a month from april-september. so i was bummed to see that all my favorite causes have their 5ks huddled together in the the end of may. the last time i did i a 5k i came in 123rd out of 131 people... and my total time was 1:01:22 with a pace of 19:48/M.

that means i was walking at the break neck speed of 3miles/hour. for an hour! i dont think i can top that. i was spurred on by a super thin cheerful supportive friend who refused to leave me in the dust despite my constant reassuring that she didnt have to drag back with me. i was walking as fast as i could in near jog panting and sweating while she was gliding along effortlessly. she comforted me by explaining that this was actually really nice to slow down and just go for a stroll and that she usually goes too fast to really look around and enjoy herself. wow. i secretly longed to be left in the dirt of her nikes so i could slow down. i was killing myself trying to keep up with her stroll.

the next 5k i do, im not even worrying about my time. when i finished that 5k two years ago i had all these dreams of running my next one. HA! i just want to participate. i am happy with my complimentary t-shirt as a consolation prize.

i am really excited by how far ahead i am on my weight loss journey. i am only 11.4 lb away from my feb 20th goal of a 25 lb weight loss. that will bring me to 225.

im starting to think that maybe this is really possible, that maybe by oct 2012 i will have lost 100 lb and be down to a twiggy 175 lb! do i really have it in me?

when i read other blogs or hear other chubby girls express their desire to lose weight i am fully confident in their abilities. i see it right at arms reach. all they have to do is stick out their hand and grab it. but i cant see how it could really happen for ME.

here are the stats from my most recent workout.

W4 Weigh-In and Month 1 Results

BFL W4 Weigh-In: -3 lb 236.4

BFL Month 1 Results: -15.8 lb



BFL Month 1 Stats:

Starting Weight: 252.2
Current Weight: 236.4
Month 1 Loss: -15.8

Starting Waist: 45.5
Current Waist: 41
Month 1 Waist Loss: -4.5


OVERALL STATS:

Starting Weight: 275
Current Weight: 236.4
Overall Loss: -38.6

Starting Waist: 50
Current Waist: 41
Overal Waist Loss: -9


I didn't do my body fat percentage when I started, but I did it Sunday and I am 49.2% fat.... yikes!!

I am so proud and excited!!! Check out my before and after pics (please ignore the less than stellar images..the charger to my digital camera is LOST so I have to use my less than smart phone)

I dont have pictures of me at 275... well I might SOMEwhere... but not at the moment.

Here's Me Now at 236.4...then there's me 15.8 lb heavier ONE month ago at 252.2

Losing Weight Is Good For the Economy

going to the gym requires a lot of STUFF. my gym bag is full of STUFF

i have my mp3 player, earphones, mp3 player arm band holder thing (which is so tight on my upper arm it seriously looks like im about to have my blood drawn), gym membership card, hair ties, water bottles (i love me some camelbak water bottles!), BFL book, combination lock, TOM supplies, a snap-on bracelet wrist watch (so i can time my rest between sets) and clothes (if i am changing there).

all that was bad enough! but then i decided that i totally refuse to wait in line for dumbbells. so that means going to the gym in the morning before work when everyone else is still drooling on their pillows... here's the thing about smasher girl. she does NOT like getting up early. she is NOT a morning person. and no, im not a night owl either. i like being in bed by 9:30pm. im a mid-afternoon kind of girl. getting to work every morning is a major struggle. and i cannot have a job that requires me to walk in before 9am.

if the fact that i show up at 7am to a place that isnt PAYING me to be there doesnt prove that i am a changed girl, i dont know what does! but this whole getting to the gym before work thing means i have to take a shower there....

the first time i did this i just grabbed some samples of shampoo, conditioner, and soap that i had snagged from my doctor's office a million years ago, threw my towel and my work clothes in my gym bag and ran out the door. but once i got to the locker room and looked around, i realized i was very under prepared. there were cosmetic cases and blowdryers and curling irons and face lotions all over and i thought to myself.... man! i am going to need more STUFF.

im a very low maintenance person at the moment. i am not even bothering with mascara. and i am certainly not straightening my hair. (the only reason im even bothering to blowdry it is because i live in NY....and december is COLD.) so i was really shocked when i realized that i need a lot of stuff to get dressed in the morning. i broke down bought this on ebay.

isn't it super cute?? and then i went out and bought double of everything in my shower and double of everything i use in the morning. i even got these travel size bottles that i can refill and a case for my soap and toothbrush.

i also needed new sneakers. so i got these puppies... from ebay for $18.99 including shipping!!! i am soooo thrifty! (i love me some new balance 411's!!!)




whew!!! how are all you skinny girls not BROKE????










i have always had this deep dark secret desire to run a mile. i have tried to couch 2 5K twice and failed because i am too fat and too weak to run. i have asked many once-upon-a-time-fat-girl-turned-runner how they started running and they always have the same answer. they started walking on the treadmill as their workout... and then just some how started running.

here's the thing. walking is boring. so i dont do it. i prefer the elliptical or sitting elliptical or zumba or kickboxing or anything really. but i am making a point this time around to focus on my walking. you have to walk before you can run? (i was really hoping that wasnt true) it helps that my gym has individual tv's on the treadmills with remotes. and i dont have cable.

i have been tuning into CMT and before i know it, my 1/2 hour of cardio has FLOWN by. it feels good!!! i love this part at the end where my fancy treadmill tells me how awesome i did!

Being Fat Is Boring

one of my skinny-fat friends decided she wants to lose weight. which is great. good for her and blah blah blah. everyone knows that the best person to ask about diets is a fat girl. we know them all and we have the book. i brought over a few diet books so she could look through and decide what plan she wanted to follow. she decided on weight watchers. as she is flipping though the handbook thing for the new point plus program she's like, "eww....all this food is boring!"

now, this skinny-fat friend is gorgeous and about 15 lb lighter than my goal weight. but her doctor wants her to lose weight and it will improve her health so im all for it. but she isnt really fat. she doesnt REALLY get it. so when i say to her "you know whats MORE boring?? being FAT." she of course replies, "being fat isnt boring. name ONE thing you cant do because you are fat."

really? she looks at me at sees ME and not a super fat girl... thats part of the reason i love her so much. i get that she doesnt get it. so i just throw out the most obvious answer..."i cant shop at regular stores!" and she's like "you're telling me you cant shop at jcpenny and macys? you are lying!!" i just drop it.

in HER mind i CAN shop at jcpenny and macys.... but not really.... the fat girl section is 3 racks of clothes that are designed for people either 6 years old or 60 years old. they are stretchy and embroidered with butterflies and lady bugs and stupid stuff like that. that's not really shopping at penny's....

thats just the tip of the ice berg!! there is sooo much i cant do because im fat.

it ranges from the simplest thing (crossing my legs) to fun things (jogging, fitting into rides at amusement parks!).....to private things that are not blog-friendly!

i cant wait to lose 100 lb!! not just because i will be super hot, but also because there is so much i want to DO!!! so much i havent DONE! i cant wait. because i WILL get there. i know it.

W3 Weigh-In 239.4 (-0.4 lb)

woo hoo... blah blah blah.. wish it was more. but it is what it is. only thing to do is BRING it next week!

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

i totally get why the evil queen in snow white (wow, that's a creepy picture) was so obsessed with this mirror. it always told the truth. and as far as i can tell, a mirror that only tells the truth is as much a fairy tale as prince charmings and castles in clouds.

last year i lost 25 lb and went from 265 to 240. and i thought i was smokin' hot. i bought a bunch of heels and pencil skirts and wore pretty, brightly colored dresses. i put on make up and curled my hair. i was 240 and loving every minute of it.

right now im 239. and i feel frumpy and fat and clumsy. i seek out blanket-like clothing that is comfy and cozy and good to hide in. why is this? i am the same size if not a little smaller. yet the way i see myself is totally different. my mirror is seriously playing tricks on me! and im not the only one.

i read blogs all the time where gorgeous girls have regained SOME of the weight they once lost. and they lament the horrors of being at a weight that they once were overjoyed to see on the scale. i get it. i really do. i have been there and its awful. you can literally watch your hard work take a nose dive out the window.

i get that aspect of it. but its the self image part of it that blows my mind. why is it that when we have lost 30 lb to get down to 200 we think we have rockin bods and are full of confidence... but if we have regained some weight to get to 200 we think we are bean bag chairs???

in my case i didnt regain any weight.. i had to lose a little to get here... but i guess i have been here for too long. my mirror decided to start lying again... or decided to start telling the truth... who knows.

i need to check ebay for one of those magic, truth telling mirrors!

Bad Habits

i am biting my nails. i havent bitten my nails in years. i didnt even realize i had started doing it again until yesterday. i looked at my hands and cringed. ick. i grabbed a bottle of bright blue nail polish and put it on. that did the trick for now. (i cant bite my nails if they have polish on...why? i dont know)

this is the first time since the Great Weight-Loss of 2007 that i have stuck with a plan. really stuck with it.... not just TOLD myself i was sticking with it. every day (with the exception of my FREE DAY) i kick all my deep rooted bad habits and shove broccoli in my face instead of french bread. i cook dinner instead of swinging through mcdonalds (mmmm... mcdonalds). i go to the gym and lift heavy objects instead of watching tv. i spend all week kicking bad habits....

and then without even realizing it i started up an old one. its like an alcoholic who stops drinking and starts smoking.

it made me think.... do we ever really kick our bad habits? or do we just trade them in for new ones???

it seems like i have some friends who really dont have bad habits... its really annoying... its like they grew up and ACTUALLY did everything their parents ever told them to.

i am not too worried about it though. i think i made a good trade at least... id rather be skinny with no nails than fat with a rockin' manicure. i guess its like i traded in my hyundai for a mini cooper.

to free or not to free

to free or not to free....that is the question.

when i read about the FREE DAY in the BFL book, i skimmed through those pages and thought to myself, "oh, no.... not for me." i wrote off the free day as something boys who were trying to pile on muscle could enjoy...but not chubby girls trying to lose weight.

but when i decided to really DO the BFL program i decided to REALLY DO it.... all of it. and see what happened.

as all my imaginary blog readers know, i lost 10 lb week one... and 2 lb week 2. yes, yes i know... week 1 was NOT 10 lb of fat... it was water and _______ (insert any of the other million bubble-bursting reasons).

week 2 i lost 2 lb. it takes 3500 calories to burn one pound. so in one week i some how had a deficit of 7000 calories. say what??? wow.

and i did it WITH a free day. when talking about the FREE DAY, the BFL book says to have an OFF DAY...and goes on to say that not only does this mean NO exercise, but also no food restrictions. it even says to eat a huge stack of blueberry pancakes with syrup for breakfast if you want.

supposedly this is a good idea because your body gets to recuperate. also, this spike in calories for the day tricks your body into thinking that you are not really on a diet and stops you from going into "starvation mode" blah blah blah (us fat girls could write books about this metabolism stuff)

i really live up my free day. live.it.up. i wake up sunday, pee, strip, stand on scale.... do a happy dance and then have whatEVER i want for breakfast (two weeks in a row it has included gum drops).

but this is part of the reason i didnt want to do a free day. because it allows me to binge. which is bad bad bad. right? it doesnt address the root of the problem which is my addiction to food. and if i dont fix that any weight loss will be temporary. but here's the thing... dont they like have rehab programs for people addicted to heroin and stuff where they actually GIVE them small doses of heroin to wean them off drugs so they CAN actually recover and kick their habit?? this does really happen, right? im not making it up?

and thats how it is... a person who is addicted to heroin would not get though a single day of rehab if they didnt get SOME heroin.... well let me tell you. i would not get through a WEEK of my diet and exercising if i didnt have the light at the end of the tunnel (FREE DAY). it gets me through. i start to want to give up around thursday... and by saturday i am just tired.

not so much of eating healthy.... just tired of all the energy that goes into it. all the planning and thinking and cooking.... i just need a breather.

FREE DAY is my breather. my reset button.

so when i step off the scale sunday and do my happy dance i open the fridge, breathe a sigh of relief and say to myself, "free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, i am free at last!"

W2 Weigh-In: 239.6 (-2.2 lb)

Yup. I rock :-) That's -13.4 lb total.