BFL Week 1 Weigh-In -10.4 lb

ok, so im serious this time. i really mean it. this is the last week 1.

i got on the scale last monday to find that i had regained all the weight that it took me a month to lose. granted it was only like 7 lb.... and really i spent the first two weeks losing weight and the next two weeks gaining weight.

my husband and i decided to start body for life and really DO it. no more of this crap. if im going to spend 2 weeks gaining weight im going to have FUN doing it... not PRETEND to be on a diet.

i was very skeptical that this program would work for me. it seemed toooo simple.

1. eat a portion of carb and a portion of protein at each meal (even white potatoes are ok!)
2. eat veggies at at least 2 meals
3. drink 10 cups of water
4. do 20 minutes of cardio 3 days a week (seriously??? that's all????)
5. do 45 minutes of weights 3 days a week
6. have an OFF day once a week (candy, pancakes, whatever!! and NO exercising!)

ummmm... this is tooo goood to be true. right???

but the before and after photos caught my attention. and so did the transformation of a friend.

the results. i lost 10.4 lb the first week. yes, yes, yes, i hear you Bubble-Bursters, it was mostly water and blah blah blah. i dont flipping care!!! i am so happy!

i had mini meltdowns all week. i found out that "simple" does not mean "easy"..... yes, the exercise and food prep was hard. but the emotional and mental aspect was even harder. this was the first time i had really committed since the Great Weight-Loss of 2007. and to really commit requires the hardest thing of all....

believing that you can actually lose weight.

i am fat. i am a fat girl. that's who i am. all week i battled (not so much to get to the gym) but with the overwhelming fear that i was kidding myself, fooling myself, lying to myself. wasting my time. it's a horrible feeling.

i dont feel like this body is who i am. i feel like a hostage... yet, the thought of being in a smaller body is even more terrifying. who would i be then? i havent met that girl. i dont know how to be that girl.

but i better start figuring it out. because it's happening. 10 lb down.... 40 more to go!