Kryptonite

what can take down a smasher girl faster than a speeding bullet?

success.

if i were superman, success would be green and sparkly like this....











whenever i hit a major milestone or start doing really good, i know to buckle up cuz its gonna be a bumpy ride. and by "ride" i mean "crash and burn". i hit my one month mark a few days ago. it was accompanied by a great weight loss and a real life "after photo" and i was feeling great. for about a day. and then it started. i could feel myself losing my groove.

i ate honey with a spoon yesterday. really?? with a SPOON.

success! it screws me EVERY time.

if im totally honest i am also starting to get bored with my food. i have been eating basically the same thing for a month straight. ive stuck with it because it works, its fast, its easy, and it keeps my grocery bill way down. i have found the perfect healthy-fast-easy-cheap food equation. so WHY would i change it?? im scared to change it. im scared it will take too long to prepare or be too high in calories or something. this week i want to focus on BREAKFAST.

i want a breakfast with protein and fiber that i can prepare in under 2 mins or that i can prepare ahead of time and just heat up. i have been making breakfast sandwiches on the weekend (egg, LF cheese, whole wheat english muffin) and just heating them up in the morning. i need something new. ideas??

i have also been thinking about running again. (the "again" refers to the THINKING part....not the actual RUNNING...because i never really was able to run. i just thought about it a lot.) i have been doing workouts on the treadmill. walking. walking. walking.... and then when im done with that, i do a little more walking. during my last post i mentioned that for my first (and only) 5k i was walking at the break-neck speed of 3mph.

so the next time i hopped on the treadmill i decided that i would do my entire workout at 3mph. and about 10 mins in to it my hip flexor started bothering me. this is serious. when this injury acts up it takes me out for weeks. so i slowed it WAY down. everyone always talks about TRAINING for marathons and 5ks, blah blah blah. but i cant DO it. i get sooo impatient. and angry when i cant do it.

in my walking workouts last week i did the majority of the walk at 3mph but i was doing intervals so i would slow down, up the incline and then lower the incline and speed up again. but 10 mins straight messed with me. i am sooooo weak. i want to run soooo bad. and i cant even walk at 3mph. i get frustrated and feel like giving up. so i reach for the only thing that resembles junk food in my whole house and make like winnie the pooh.


......oh bother!

It's Okay If You Don't Lose Weight

"you know its ok if u dont lose the weight right?" my friend looked at me with big reassuring eyes.

ummm.... no, actually, thats the definition of ''not ok''....its not ok. not losing weight is not ok. this person was trying to be supportive and explained that i am cute and fun and healthy and happy the way i am and i dont need to change a SINGLE thing.

if i was not on a diet and kicking my butt at the gym for hours each week i would have welcomed her "you're perfect the way you are" speech (not that i would have actually believed it). but since i was shoving lettuce in my face every day for lunch, the speech was just annoying.

there is so much i have already missed out on because of my weight. im tired of it and i dont want to miss out on any more. I want to have kids before my ovaries shrivel up into raisins. and there is a huge list of horrible risks associated with overweight/obese pregnancies. i found this list while looking up info for 5ks that i can do this spring.

i want to do one a month from april-september. so i was bummed to see that all my favorite causes have their 5ks huddled together in the the end of may. the last time i did i a 5k i came in 123rd out of 131 people... and my total time was 1:01:22 with a pace of 19:48/M.

that means i was walking at the break neck speed of 3miles/hour. for an hour! i dont think i can top that. i was spurred on by a super thin cheerful supportive friend who refused to leave me in the dust despite my constant reassuring that she didnt have to drag back with me. i was walking as fast as i could in near jog panting and sweating while she was gliding along effortlessly. she comforted me by explaining that this was actually really nice to slow down and just go for a stroll and that she usually goes too fast to really look around and enjoy herself. wow. i secretly longed to be left in the dirt of her nikes so i could slow down. i was killing myself trying to keep up with her stroll.

the next 5k i do, im not even worrying about my time. when i finished that 5k two years ago i had all these dreams of running my next one. HA! i just want to participate. i am happy with my complimentary t-shirt as a consolation prize.

i am really excited by how far ahead i am on my weight loss journey. i am only 11.4 lb away from my feb 20th goal of a 25 lb weight loss. that will bring me to 225.

im starting to think that maybe this is really possible, that maybe by oct 2012 i will have lost 100 lb and be down to a twiggy 175 lb! do i really have it in me?

when i read other blogs or hear other chubby girls express their desire to lose weight i am fully confident in their abilities. i see it right at arms reach. all they have to do is stick out their hand and grab it. but i cant see how it could really happen for ME.

here are the stats from my most recent workout.

W4 Weigh-In and Month 1 Results

BFL W4 Weigh-In: -3 lb 236.4

BFL Month 1 Results: -15.8 lb



BFL Month 1 Stats:

Starting Weight: 252.2
Current Weight: 236.4
Month 1 Loss: -15.8

Starting Waist: 45.5
Current Waist: 41
Month 1 Waist Loss: -4.5


OVERALL STATS:

Starting Weight: 275
Current Weight: 236.4
Overall Loss: -38.6

Starting Waist: 50
Current Waist: 41
Overal Waist Loss: -9


I didn't do my body fat percentage when I started, but I did it Sunday and I am 49.2% fat.... yikes!!

I am so proud and excited!!! Check out my before and after pics (please ignore the less than stellar images..the charger to my digital camera is LOST so I have to use my less than smart phone)

I dont have pictures of me at 275... well I might SOMEwhere... but not at the moment.

Here's Me Now at 236.4...then there's me 15.8 lb heavier ONE month ago at 252.2

Losing Weight Is Good For the Economy

going to the gym requires a lot of STUFF. my gym bag is full of STUFF

i have my mp3 player, earphones, mp3 player arm band holder thing (which is so tight on my upper arm it seriously looks like im about to have my blood drawn), gym membership card, hair ties, water bottles (i love me some camelbak water bottles!), BFL book, combination lock, TOM supplies, a snap-on bracelet wrist watch (so i can time my rest between sets) and clothes (if i am changing there).

all that was bad enough! but then i decided that i totally refuse to wait in line for dumbbells. so that means going to the gym in the morning before work when everyone else is still drooling on their pillows... here's the thing about smasher girl. she does NOT like getting up early. she is NOT a morning person. and no, im not a night owl either. i like being in bed by 9:30pm. im a mid-afternoon kind of girl. getting to work every morning is a major struggle. and i cannot have a job that requires me to walk in before 9am.

if the fact that i show up at 7am to a place that isnt PAYING me to be there doesnt prove that i am a changed girl, i dont know what does! but this whole getting to the gym before work thing means i have to take a shower there....

the first time i did this i just grabbed some samples of shampoo, conditioner, and soap that i had snagged from my doctor's office a million years ago, threw my towel and my work clothes in my gym bag and ran out the door. but once i got to the locker room and looked around, i realized i was very under prepared. there were cosmetic cases and blowdryers and curling irons and face lotions all over and i thought to myself.... man! i am going to need more STUFF.

im a very low maintenance person at the moment. i am not even bothering with mascara. and i am certainly not straightening my hair. (the only reason im even bothering to blowdry it is because i live in NY....and december is COLD.) so i was really shocked when i realized that i need a lot of stuff to get dressed in the morning. i broke down bought this on ebay.

isn't it super cute?? and then i went out and bought double of everything in my shower and double of everything i use in the morning. i even got these travel size bottles that i can refill and a case for my soap and toothbrush.

i also needed new sneakers. so i got these puppies... from ebay for $18.99 including shipping!!! i am soooo thrifty! (i love me some new balance 411's!!!)




whew!!! how are all you skinny girls not BROKE????










i have always had this deep dark secret desire to run a mile. i have tried to couch 2 5K twice and failed because i am too fat and too weak to run. i have asked many once-upon-a-time-fat-girl-turned-runner how they started running and they always have the same answer. they started walking on the treadmill as their workout... and then just some how started running.

here's the thing. walking is boring. so i dont do it. i prefer the elliptical or sitting elliptical or zumba or kickboxing or anything really. but i am making a point this time around to focus on my walking. you have to walk before you can run? (i was really hoping that wasnt true) it helps that my gym has individual tv's on the treadmills with remotes. and i dont have cable.

i have been tuning into CMT and before i know it, my 1/2 hour of cardio has FLOWN by. it feels good!!! i love this part at the end where my fancy treadmill tells me how awesome i did!

Being Fat Is Boring

one of my skinny-fat friends decided she wants to lose weight. which is great. good for her and blah blah blah. everyone knows that the best person to ask about diets is a fat girl. we know them all and we have the book. i brought over a few diet books so she could look through and decide what plan she wanted to follow. she decided on weight watchers. as she is flipping though the handbook thing for the new point plus program she's like, "eww....all this food is boring!"

now, this skinny-fat friend is gorgeous and about 15 lb lighter than my goal weight. but her doctor wants her to lose weight and it will improve her health so im all for it. but she isnt really fat. she doesnt REALLY get it. so when i say to her "you know whats MORE boring?? being FAT." she of course replies, "being fat isnt boring. name ONE thing you cant do because you are fat."

really? she looks at me at sees ME and not a super fat girl... thats part of the reason i love her so much. i get that she doesnt get it. so i just throw out the most obvious answer..."i cant shop at regular stores!" and she's like "you're telling me you cant shop at jcpenny and macys? you are lying!!" i just drop it.

in HER mind i CAN shop at jcpenny and macys.... but not really.... the fat girl section is 3 racks of clothes that are designed for people either 6 years old or 60 years old. they are stretchy and embroidered with butterflies and lady bugs and stupid stuff like that. that's not really shopping at penny's....

thats just the tip of the ice berg!! there is sooo much i cant do because im fat.

it ranges from the simplest thing (crossing my legs) to fun things (jogging, fitting into rides at amusement parks!).....to private things that are not blog-friendly!

i cant wait to lose 100 lb!! not just because i will be super hot, but also because there is so much i want to DO!!! so much i havent DONE! i cant wait. because i WILL get there. i know it.

W3 Weigh-In 239.4 (-0.4 lb)

woo hoo... blah blah blah.. wish it was more. but it is what it is. only thing to do is BRING it next week!

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

i totally get why the evil queen in snow white (wow, that's a creepy picture) was so obsessed with this mirror. it always told the truth. and as far as i can tell, a mirror that only tells the truth is as much a fairy tale as prince charmings and castles in clouds.

last year i lost 25 lb and went from 265 to 240. and i thought i was smokin' hot. i bought a bunch of heels and pencil skirts and wore pretty, brightly colored dresses. i put on make up and curled my hair. i was 240 and loving every minute of it.

right now im 239. and i feel frumpy and fat and clumsy. i seek out blanket-like clothing that is comfy and cozy and good to hide in. why is this? i am the same size if not a little smaller. yet the way i see myself is totally different. my mirror is seriously playing tricks on me! and im not the only one.

i read blogs all the time where gorgeous girls have regained SOME of the weight they once lost. and they lament the horrors of being at a weight that they once were overjoyed to see on the scale. i get it. i really do. i have been there and its awful. you can literally watch your hard work take a nose dive out the window.

i get that aspect of it. but its the self image part of it that blows my mind. why is it that when we have lost 30 lb to get down to 200 we think we have rockin bods and are full of confidence... but if we have regained some weight to get to 200 we think we are bean bag chairs???

in my case i didnt regain any weight.. i had to lose a little to get here... but i guess i have been here for too long. my mirror decided to start lying again... or decided to start telling the truth... who knows.

i need to check ebay for one of those magic, truth telling mirrors!